REFLECTION Part 2

3am and still no sleep.

I tried all I could to erase the evening's events from my mind but my ex's visit still occupied my every thought. Two hours should have passed by now, I thought to myself as I took my 568th glance at my bedside clock. It's just 3:13am? Damn.

What did she really want? I knew she didn't come all the way from North Carolina just to have harmless sex with me. And that smile on her face, I had seen it a million times. Her smile of accomplishment. I knew her all too well. 

Before we broke up, we had even spoken about marriage but I explained to her that I was not financially ready at the time. But she was not satisfied, she always brought up the conversation. She started threatening to see other people who were more "serious" about her. And when I found out that she had made good of her threats and she was actually talking to other guys, I broke up with her. But now, I could not help but remember the night we broke up. She yelled and cursed at me. Then she looked at me dead in the eyes and promised that she would be my wife no matter what it would take.

Ring ring, my phone snapped me out of my thoughts. Oh my God, it was Valerie. This is the woman I was soon to be married to. We had first met at a Christmas party thrown by a mutual friend. She was smart, she had a good heart, great character, and oh my God, a beauty that Venus would have killed for. How could I have cheated on her? What was I thinking? Things were looking good for me. New house, new car, and then I decided this was the woman I wanted to spend forever with, but I messed up?

All Ashley needed was 10 minutes of my time and my stupid ass f**ked the shit out of her. I mean I couldn't even remember ever f**king Val that way. Should I tell her and throw myself at her mercy and hope she would forgive me?

No! Hell no! But what if I kept this from her and then Ashley pulled something crazy like show up at my wedding with a rounded tummy, claiming that she was carrying my baby? Are those tears in my eyes? I'm too manly for that. Tears solve nothing.

"Hello Mannie. Are you alright baby?" Val asked "You sound like you're ill."

"Oh no it's nothing baby. You just woke me up from sleep, that's all."

Nah, that's not it at all. Mannie you f**ked up big time. Your dumb ass f**ked up.......................My conscience was killing me.

I wiped the salty tears from my eyes. I'm so dead.